Untitleded

For want of something to write about that is worthwhile or even reasonably interesting I am going to go from one subject to something completely different and draw some form of association between them for the purpose of this "humour" that you meatsacks seem to love so.

Right then. Patrick Stewart.

Patrick Stewart played Captain Picard on "Star Trek: The Next Generation".

Captain Picard calls Riker Number One.

Who is Number One?

You are Number Six.

I am not a number, I am a free man!

A Gordon Freeman.

Gordon Freeman has a crowbar.

Crows do not have bars.

Ducks walk into bars.

Ducks are served at Chinese resturaunts sometimes.

China has Too Many People. To solve this they introduced a cap on the number of children you are allowed to have.

Caps are like hats.

You wear hats on your head.

Head is what you pay a prostitute for.

Prostitutes know Kung Fu and can dodge bullets.

But when the time comes they won't have to.

Just like Jesus.

Jesus died on the cross for all our sins.

Batman gets cross and kills sinners.

Batman has no superpowers.

Harrison Ford also has no superpowers.

Harrison Ford played Indiana Jones.

Indiana Jones has a whip.

When a problem comes along, you must whip it. Whip it good.

You fucked up S&Mer, you.

S&M is not good to eat, unlike M&M's.

Eminem is a rapper.

Rap is the tool of Satan to eat our souls and turn them into little dots.

Pac-Man eats these little dots.

Sometimes if you eat a big dot all the ghosts turn blue.

Blue is a colour.

So is purple.

Purple is the colour of homosexuality.

Homosexuality is disapproved of by many people, but it's going to happen anyway.

Eating babies is disapproved of by many people, but it's going to happen anyway.

Eating babies is not very nice unless you dip them in chocolate.

Chocolate dipping is how you kill a ninja.

The Ninja fucks your mom. She gives the ninja crabs.

Giant Enemy Crabs.

Giant Enemy Craps.

Craps is often found in a casino.

Bond is often found in particularly "Royale" casinoes.

Bond is a secret agent.

Agents live in the Matrix.

In Soviet Russia, Matrix has YOU!

Soviet Russia is a magical land where dreams come true.

Except that dream, you sick fuck.

Sick fucks make the world go round.

It's a small world, after all.

"It's A Small World After All" is the most annoying song in existence.

Existence is a lie.

The Matrix is a lie.

This statement is a lie.

TIME PARADOX.

Now you've done it, you've changed the future.

Marty, you've got to go back! Back to the FUTURE!

Marty was played by Michael J. Fox.

Fox McCloud has an Arwing.

Pirates have parrots which have ARRwings.

The mortal enemy of the pirate is the ninja.

Ninja are found in places like Japan and France.

The national sport of Japan is bukkake.

Bukkake has been known to kill small animals.

The English have been known to kill small animals.

England is not in fact jolly or old.

Santa is not in fact jolly or old.

Santa is a pedophile.

Pedophiles like children.

Barney the Dinosaur likes children.

Barney the Dinosaur was portrayed by an underpaid Spaniard named Salvador. After his contract expired he pursued medicine and became a surgeon in one of Spain's leading hospitals, specializing in crainioectomy.

Dr. Salvador uses a chainsaw to perform emergency surgery.

Emergency surgery is often completely unnesecary.

Garden gnomes are often completely unnesecary.

Garden gnomes make handy cannon ammunition.

Cannons are often mounted on pirate ships.

Pirate ships are often filled with pirates.

Therefore, Patrick Stewart is often filled with pirates.

That's really fucking creepy. If I sleep tonight my dreams will be filled with Pirate Stewart induced terror. You see what you people do to me? DO YOU? KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!

...I'm done now.

...please don't lock me up again.

...you're going to lock me up again aren't you. I hate you. Go away.