Phonix Wroight - Ayse Arterny

Yes I know this is my first post in a while. Go whine at someone who cares.

I recently found Jesus. Then I lost him again so I have to buy a new one next time I'm at the shop.

But anyway. I also recently found my DS along with the Jesus action figure. The novelty of having Jesus kung fu fight with Captain Picard and Batman easily wore off so I went out looking for a new game to play.

Phoenix Wright came to me in my time of need. This could be the opening line of a really dirty piece of fanfiction but not in this case. If you are looking for dirty fanfiction you may want to try the rest of the internet.

I began to play this wonderful little game, with its whimsical little anime characters and its own little brand of "science". At least in the last case of the game which we all really only played because Gant was funny.

I got so into this game that I even joined a Phoenix Wright forum. I am considering shamelessly advertising my blog in my signature there and some of you've probably been. But recently I came to a realization.

This game is not meant to be played by "normal people". I must be some kind of freak or something because none of my friends want anything to do with this game.

Don't believe me? Read my friend's gaming journal. No, he doesn't actually keep a gaming journal. Yes I wrote this because I was bored.

---

Phoenix What?

Maybe this would be sort of cool.

Okay, that bastard bought the last copy. I have to order it off the internets? Fuck that, I'll borrow it.

Waiting, waiting, la la la la la.

Hey here he is. Give give give.

Where the hell is that DS?

Dammit, the cat pushed it off my desk again. Now there's a crack in the GBA holdy thingy.

Oh well, time to play!

Holy crap this title screen has buttons! You can TOUCH them? What the fuck?

Oh wait, it's the DS. Never mind.

Okay... holy crap that's a dead chick. And a guy in a pink suit or something with a dot on his head! Awesome!

Okay... when do I get to play?

Talking talking talking! Where's the naked kung fu?

Hey I hope you can naked fight that Fey chick, I'd hit that.

Okay. A courtroom. So "attorney" isn't Japanese for naked kung fu fighting women. Fuck.

Heh. There's a bald guy.

Crap he's the judge I hope he didn't hear me call him a bald guy.

Oh wait it's a game. Never mind.

...hey there's a little question and answer session thingy... crap I don't know this lawyer stuff! What's a "defendant"?

Okay I got it wrong twice, the third one must be right.

I am so freaking smart.

What's a "Witness Testimoney"? Do I get paid now?

Oh. Testimony. Crap.

OH SHIT WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION

Oh. You get to go over it again. Good.

"Contradiction?" Heh. She said "dick" if you say it out loud.

Man that's a nice rack.

Okay. So I yell "Objection!" into the microphone when I want to FUCK I DIDN'T WANT TO YET.

Okay. I lost a little exclamation point. I'm cool, I can deal.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Okay. One last point. Whatever you do don't hold down the button like this and say "OBJECTION!"

Fuck.

Okay, he got convicted. Start again.

...I have to watch all this crap again?

That's a damn fine rack.

Seriously those are some nice boobs. I hope she doesn't die in the second case. That would really suck cause I want to keep looking at these.

Okay. Now let's actually read this stuff.

That doesn't sound quite right.

"OBJECTION!"

Crap now everyone is looking at me.

Move along, nothing to see here.

Crap I have to do this shit again?

Dammit Payne shut the fuck up you sound like a schoolgirl.

You know this is really stupid if the judge had just watched the opening cutscene he'd know this Sahwit dude did it.

Contradictions again. Man this guy is a moron.

What's an evidence?

Oh. Those things.

Take that, bitch.

Sweet I won.

Crap, boobs dies. Fuck this, what's the point?

"Compelling... story"? What the hell is the point of that if there aren't any consistent tits?

Yeah, take your game back! It sucks! Sucks like you!

Please come back.

I'm so lonely.

So lonely.

Lonely.

~ Pudding